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" Yes, Budapest gets the juices flowing, and why not? Ever since Zsazsa Gabor first uttered "Dahhling..." and Cicciolina first sprayed a front row in Turin, foreign men have felt an irresistable attraction to Hungarian women. They are among God's loveliest critters, scampering merrily around the Danube basin clad in tiny bikinis, clinging halter tops, and those wonderful high heeled shoes known in other parts of the world as "fuck-me pumps." If you are just traveling around Hungary or staying for a while, there are a few things you should know about dating Hungarian women. I have known people who had a perfectly happy, if somewhat shallow, relationship with absolutely no intelligible communication between them for months at a time. Otherwise you will have to speak Hungarian or find a Hungarian who speaks something you understand.

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You have to come up with something more permanent, like environmental protection engineer or journalist (a perennial favorite around our office.) You will also need a suit of clothes that could not possibly have ever seen the inside of a backpack, and a real pair of shoes. The waiting period is to see if you are "serious." That means that you are either staying in Hungary long term, or you are really, really rich. You will open doors for your date, but you will always enter a restaurant or bar first. You are expected to be a gentleman, and gentlemen are not expected to do their own laundry.

Hungarian women are not attracted to new-age sensitive guys. Bruner | Budapest Nostalgia, Expat Philosophy | Apr 2, 2004 | Comments (101) How much longer do we have to tolerate Zygotian's incessant rants against Hungarians, women, and tame domestic pets?

] By Dork Zygotian As one walks down the street in Budapest, a common reaction that many visitors have as they gaze at the physical perfection of Hungarians is "Gee! This information is aimed at men, those slaves of testosterone who carry their brains in two neat little bundles between their legs. All Hungarian men are charming, enchanting, good-looking, and completely unintelligible if you don't speak Hungarian.

I wish the human race were transformed into cute little rodents whose only aim in life was to have continuous, lusty, mindless animal couplings at every opportunity, hundreds of times each day! Women who are visiting often ask "Are there any available Hungarian men? Rex Harrison crooned it best, in My Fair Lady, "Oozing charm from every pore/ He oiled his way across the floor/ Never have I seen a ruder pest/ than that hairy hound from Budapest." Men, however, must take a different approach to attract the wily Magyar leány. " Other communications were made by rubbing anything else.

They want A Man, not a companion who knows how to parboil brown rice and cries at the end of movies. The Azeri prison officials should have just let him rot in gaol when they had their hands on him! Mary Ellen Liebowitz | May 4, 2004 I think the author of this thing is in need of some serious R&R!

Having followed this advice, you should now be the proud owner of a Hungarian girlfriend. You need to get laid and unwind and stop putting people and places down that yu have no idea about!

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